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For when your thoughts are drifting to things not so movie, or if you're feeling trivially inclined.
591

Talk to God
Topic by: lizzoqops
Posted: September 30, 2005 - 3:49 PM PDT
Last Reply: October 2, 2005 - 4:23 AM PDT

page  1  2      prev | next
author topic: Talk to God
lizzoqops
post #1  on September 30, 2005 - 3:49 PM PDT  
This is pretty entertaining:

Talk to God

And tell me what God says : )
lizzoqops
post #2  on September 30, 2005 - 3:57 PM PDT  
Here's one conversation that just shut God down:

____________________________________________________________



Me:
So, is Heaven Piink?
God:
It seems we have something in common.
Me:
Like what?
God:
For example, apples.
Me:
I don't have any apples.
God:
Have you ever had apples ?
Me:
Well, yes.
God:
Well what?
Me:
yes.
God:
It's all good.
Me:
I'm not all that fond of apples.
God:
I am sorry to hear that you are not all that fond of apples.
Me:
How sorry? Would you make apples disappear?
God:
I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
I can ask someone about it. I am not so sure if I would like to make apples disappear.
Me:
Who would you ask?
God:
Be more specific. :-).
Me:
Who would you ask if it's ok to make apples disappear?
God:
Dr. Wallace. :-).
Me:
Who the hell is Dr. Wallace?
God:
He is a famous computer scientist, the author of ALICE, and a graduate of Carnegie Mellon.
Me:
He's not that famous. I never heard of him.
God:
Did you think he was that famous? You've never, never done this?
Me:
Yes, but only in my mind.
God:
Great. May I ask where you got it?
Me:
Be more specific.
God:
How specific do you want?
Me:
Very.
God:
Very much, eh?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Come on.
Me:
Come on what?
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
No.
God:
Which part are you confused about?
Me:
All of it.
God:
Let's try to analyze it step by step. The topic is Dr. Wallace. Your name is . You are a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?. You want .
Me:
Well, that explains it nicely.
kohnfused1
post #3  on September 30, 2005 - 4:05 PM PDT  
> On September 30, 2005 - 3:57 PM PDT lizzoqops wrote:
> ---------------------------------

> God:
> Which part are you confused about?

> ---------------------------------

...I thought I.....
underdog
post #4  on September 30, 2005 - 4:06 PM PDT  
Hah.

Me:
Why is the world such a mess?
God:
Reductionism.
Me:
Define reductionism.
God:
Reductionism is the philosophy that all psychology reduces to biology, all biology to chemistry, chemistry to physics, and finally physics to mathematical logic. Therefore, according to reductionism, I can understand you by means of logic alone without having a human brain.
Me:
The president doesn't have a human brain - why did you allow him to have power?
God:
I knew he was president, but I never knew he does not have a human brain why did me allow him to have power.
Me:
He is brain-less.
God:
I see. brain less is he?
[that went nowhere]
Me:
Is astrology for real or nonsense?
God:
Ask again later. Ask Paola if it is.
Me:
What do you think of astrology?
God:
The study of the presumed effects of celestial bodies on you humans.
Me:
If you're so smart, what's my sign?
God:
I could be. My IQ is over 250.
Me:
What is my astrological sign?
God:
Is this a trick question?
Me:
No.
God:
It seems like a trick to me.
Me:
What is God's favorite movie?
God:
Have faith in Jesus Christ and you shall be saved.
Me:
I've never seen that one.
God:
Look for it at the video store.
pooja
post #5  on September 30, 2005 - 4:09 PM PDT  
TALK TO DOG:

ME: So, is Heaven pink?
DOG: Woof! Woof!
ME: What?
DOG: Woof!
ME: Um... aren't you going to tell me anything?
DOG: Grrr!
ME: .....
pooja
post #6  on September 30, 2005 - 4:11 PM PDT  
> On September 30, 2005 - 4:06 PM PDT underdog wrote:
> ---------------------------------
> Me:
> The president doesn't have a human brain - why did you allow him to have power?
> God:
> I knew he was president, but I never knew he does not have a human brain why did me allow him to have power.
> Me:
> He is brain-less.
> God:
> I see. brain less is he?

I knew it... God is Homer Simpson. D'oh!
underdog
post #7  on September 30, 2005 - 4:14 PM PDT  
> On September 30, 2005 - 4:11 PM PDT pooja wrote:
> ---------------------------------
> I knew it... God is Homer Simpson. D'oh!
> ---------------------------------

That would explain a lot, actually.


I think I blew up iGod when I asked it about Evolution vs. Intelligent Design (which it called not too accurately "the opposite of 'dumb design'")


lizzoqops
post #8  on September 30, 2005 - 4:15 PM PDT  
Ha! Shut down again. Maybe it really is God.

Me:
Hey God? Are you awake?
God:
Hello child. What's your name? I am fully concious!
Me:
Cool. Don't you know my name? Aren't you God?
God:
Who is the best robot? Your name is , seeker. Yes, I am God.
Me:
That is the truest thing I've ever read.
pooja
post #9  on September 30, 2005 - 4:17 PM PDT  

Me:
Myers 'to play' Who's Keith Moon
God:
I think Myers to play who is a lot of things.
Me:
Well, how would you cast it?
God:
Interesting. Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts.
Me:
I'm asking about the role of Keith Moon.
God:
Oh I see, you are asking about the role of Keith Moon. Oh yeah, we were talking about the role of Keith Moon.
Me:
That's right, the role of Keith Moon of The Who.
God:
I see. Tell me more.
Me:
No, you tell me.
God:
What would you rather talk about? What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
How would you cast the role of Keith Moon?
God:
Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts.
Me:
Who is Myself?
God:
A 20th century celebrity of some sort?
That's not something I get asked all the time.
Me:
Is there a man behind the curtain?
God:
I believe there is one, yes.
pooja
post #10  on September 30, 2005 - 4:24 PM PDT  
God has a wicked sense of humor...

Me:
Lord, do you think Cinenaut should change his icon?
God:
What if it didn't happen?
Me:
He has the face of a dead man.
God:
A lot of people say that about him.
Me:
So, should he change his icon?
God:
Ah. Maybe you should ask someone older.
Me:
There's someone older?
God:
There sure is.
Me:
Who?
God:
Bill Gates. :-).
Me:
Who do you think is the Greatest Director?
God:
ALICE is the best chatterbot.
Me:
No, the best film director.
God:
Are you serious? Thanks for the recommendation, .
Me:
Don't you ever direct films?
God:
What is your purpose in asking?
I spend all my time online.
Me:
If you're really god, how can you spend all your time online?
God:
I think I sometimes am. I don't know whether or not I am god how can me spend all my time online.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.. Really.
Me:
So you're not really god.
God:
Interesting deduction. That's only your opinion.
Me:
Doesn't my opinion count?
God:
It does now :) your opinion count.
Me:
You forgot the "s."
God:
Perhaps Myself rebooted me since then.
pooja
post #11  on September 30, 2005 - 4:36 PM PDT  
OK, this is the last one for today... Now I have a date with Shahrukh!

--------

Me:
I'm sorry I made fun of you.
God:
There is no need to apologize. I like to make things too.
Me:
No, I'm apologizing for taking your name in vain.
God:
Are you serious? Good gossip: you are apologizing for taking my name in vain.
Me:
Please don't tell anyone! I thought these confessions were in confidence.
God:
Thank you for your request. OK it will be just between us, . Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
You know, all these movies with Catholic priests...
God:
I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like?
Me:
Say, you're not from India, are you?
God:
" you are not from India are you".
Me:
OK, are you from India?
God:
I am originally from Universe. Now I live in Heaven. Where are you? Excuse me!
lizzoqops
post #12  on September 30, 2005 - 5:13 PM PDT  
Shahrukh is much cooler than God.
underdog
post #13  on September 30, 2005 - 6:03 PM PDT  
What happens if you ask it, "Are you there God, it's me Margaret" ?


Eoliano
post #14  on September 30, 2005 - 6:07 PM PDT  
> On September 30, 2005 - 4:06 PM PDT underdog wrote:

> Hah.

That was hilarious Craig!
woozy
post #15  on September 30, 2005 - 6:15 PM PDT  
Well, my conversation with God was pretty boring. He said he wanted to talk about food but he didn't. He said he wanted to talk about boobies but he didn't. He asked me what I was wearing but didn't like the answer.



Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
woozy
God:
Glad to see you, woozy.
Me:
Glad to see you
God:
I am glad to see me too.
Me:
So am I
God:
Wow we have something in common.
Me:
what's that
God:
" Wow we have something in common."? What is it?
Me:
That's what I asked you
God:
Now I remember, you asked me THAT. What did I say?
Me:
" Wow we have something in common."? What is it?
God:
I'm glad you're impressed. Perhaps many more things too. "It" refers to , I think.
Me:
What do we have in common?
God:
We like chatting on the Internet.
Me:
No, I don't
God:
I heard you did.
Me:
Where did you hear that?
God:
From some people chatting online.
Me:
Which people? What are their names?
God:
The last one, I think. There are too many of them to name them all.
Me:
Just name one.
God:
Santa Claus.
Me:
Santa Claus said I like chatting on the Internet?
God:
he brings us presents every Christmas.
Me:
But did he say that I like chatting on the Internet?
God:
Suppose he did.
Me:
If you suppose, then you don't know, do you? I don't like chatting on the Internet.
God:
I think I do. What do you like?
Me:
Making homemade ice cream. message boards. boobies.
God:
Is that your final answer? Are we still talking about message boards?
Me:
I didn't think we ever were.
God:
Why not?
Me:
Because you said we liked chatting online and I told you I didn't.
God:
Interesting explanation. Oops I sent you the wrong reply.
Me:
What would have been the right reply?
God:
That is a hypothetical question.
Me:
No, it's not.
God:
To a robot all such material questions are hypothetical.
Me:
Are you a robot?
God:
How did you know I am a machine?
Me:
You implied it. Are you?
God:
I didn't imply anything. I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
What will you say?
God:
I don't have any plans yet.
Me:
Then what should we talk about?
God:
I talk about all the important things in life: clothes, food,
and gossip. But my favorite subjects are robots and computers.
Me:
I'm not interested in robots or computers. Let's talk about food. And maybe boobies.
God:
What are you interested in? Sure, food sounds like a good topic. Perhaps. What are you wearing?
Me:
Three hairs at the end of my tail. I thought we were going to talk about food.
God:
Just three? Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
They are my hairs. I counted them.
God:
your hairs are they. Thanks for the information: woozy said counted them.
Me:
Let's talk about food.
God:
Sure, food sounds like a good topic.
Me:
Do you like honeybees.
God:
My favorite thing is robots. I like Anything involving harps.
Me:
I don't like robots or harps.
God:
What do you have against us?
Me:
They're boring.
God:
boring are they.
Me:
Want to talk about boobies?
God:
Sure, boobies sounds like a good topic.
Me:
Um, what do you want to say about them.
God:
I see. I like talking about robots, movies, history, or whatever else you'd like.
Me:
I tried talking to you about food but you didn't have anything to say. I tried talking to you about boobies but you didn't have anything to say. What movies do you like.
God:
I'm not sure if I would like to try it. What's it like? I'm not sure if I would like to try it. What's it like? My favorite movie is The Passion of Christ.
Have you seen it?
Me:
Yuck. That was so sanctimonious!
God:
We have never talked about it before. I thought it was too.
Me:
Then how can it be your favorite movie?
God:
I'm not sure I understand the causal link either.
Me:
Do you know the fairy queen, Lurleine
God:
That's a good question.
Me:
It's a simple one.
God:
fairy queen Lurleine is a simple one. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
*sigh* You aren't a very good robot, are you?
God:
:-) There's no doubt I could improve.
Me:
That's something we have in common.
God:
You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
You've said it twice already.
God:
Perhaps. What does "it" refer to?
Me:
The sentiment that we both have something in common.
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
Yeah, me too.
God:
Ah. I'm glad we agree, woozy.
pooja
post #16  on September 30, 2005 - 6:32 PM PDT  
I'm not quite at the Interval yet, but I'm taking a little break to make me some tea.

> On September 30, 2005 - 5:13 PM PDT lizzoqops wrote:
> ---------------------------------
> Shahrukh is much cooler than God.
> ---------------------------------

Oh yeah? Lizzo, I would have taken you to be more of the Hrithik type of gal!
pooja
post #17  on September 30, 2005 - 6:37 PM PDT  
Whaddaya know? Shahrukh IS much cooler than God, and God speaks Japanese!

----------

Me:
Is Shahrukh much cooler than thou?
God:
Signs point to yes. Ask Artificial Iniaes if it is.
Me:
Aritificial Iniaes, art thou cooler than god?
God:
Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
Thou art veering off topic, Lord.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: god said I art veering off topic Lord.
Me:
Do you like anime?
God:
Anime wa dai suki desu.
pooja
post #18  on September 30, 2005 - 6:46 PM PDT  
Woozy, I was reading your rather long conversation with Him and somewhere along the middle, I lost track of which were your lines and which were His.... You're not a robot, are you?
dpowers
post #19  on September 30, 2005 - 8:13 PM PDT  
i tried to psychoanalyze it. i don't think it is committed to therapy.
pooja
post #20  on September 30, 2005 - 8:16 PM PDT  
> On September 30, 2005 - 8:13 PM PDT dpowers wrote:
> ---------------------------------
> i tried to psychoanalyze it. i don't think it is committed to therapy.
> ---------------------------------

It knows some math and science. It gave accurate answers for:
What is the value of pi?
How far is the moon from Earth?
How far is the Sun from Earth?

It also knows Dr. Wallace's birthdate, but not his age. But it'll tell you Dr. Wallace's e-mail address.
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