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shameless plug for my shorts
	Topic by: jamesblahblah Posted: January 22, 2006 - 3:15 PM PST Last Reply: January 23, 2006 - 8:59 PM PST

author	topic: shameless plug for my shorts
jamesblahblah	post #1  on January 22, 2006 - 3:15 PM PST   hi everyone, i'm shamelessly plugging some short videos I made over the last few months which are available at http://james-walsh.net. if you do take the time to check them out i'd love to get some feedback (positive or negative) to help me with a new project I'm currently filming. thanks. james
Shaky	post #2  on January 22, 2006 - 7:49 PM PST   There isn't anything wrong with wanting a plug in your shorts, if you're into that kind of thing.
hamano	post #3  on January 23, 2006 - 4:38 AM PST   The real question is, "Boxers or briefs?"
Shaky	post #4  on January 23, 2006 - 8:57 AM PST   I'll be brutally honest with you. I watched "Don't Worry" and "Dialoghi del presente." I thought they were boring. "Don't Worry" was about three minutes too long, with too much of the same thing over and over. You could have (and should have) told that story in 2-3 minutes. Then again, there wasn't much story to it. You set up a problem (which I assume was that the guy's girl was screwing around, and he was trying to decide what to do about it). But you never really explored the problem or built toward a resolution. And in the end, there WAS no resolution. Even the simplest stories have a beginning, middle and end; yours really only had a beginning that went on for almost six minutes. In fact, my impression was that the whole purpose of the scene in the grocery store was to show that you could do a dolly move (or was that a shopping cart?). Most of what you showed us had little impact on the storyline. The viewer generally doesn't care that you accomplished a smooth dolly move. As long as they can hear and see the video without too many distractions from technical screwups, the most important things to the viewers are whether the story and acting are entertaining and believable. Further, the scene in the girl's living room seemed to be primarily for the purpose of showing us some red lighting. After we see her making out the first time, WE GET IT. Unless you're escalating the extent of her transgression and its emotional impact on the guy, the makeout scenes quickly become unnecessary and boring. You could have raised the stakes by increasing the sexual activity beyond heavy petting, getting into more blatantly sexual or intimate situations. You could have built up the extent of her offense by showing her with lots of other guys, girls and eventually farm animals. Or you could have increased her emotional involvement in spending time doing other intimate things with the "other man," like one of them bringing coffee to the other in bed, laying around together watching television, going out together, etc. You just needed to build up the tension, and you didn't. On the other one, with the pistachios, it was a neat idea, but you drew it out WAY too long. It should have run no more than 30 to 45 seconds. The reaction of your protagonist to what the guy in glasses did is what sold the film, but it took so long to get there that I got bored and was actually looking away when the payoff came. I had to back it up to see what happened. This is a common problem with student and amateur films, and even many independents. The filmmaker falls in love with his own work and wants to drag it out too long. You need to learn to cut it down to what's really necessary, even if it turns out what you planned as a five minute short really only turns out to be 2:30. A slow and pondering film only works when the subject matter requires a lot of thought, when there are other aspects to appreciate, like breathtaking cinematography, or when the filmmaker knows exactly how he wants to manipulate the audience and has built the viewer's interest up to the point that he can drag out a resolution, knowing he can keep them engaged through the quiet tension leading up to it. If your new project is going the same direction as these others, you need to rethink it.
kohnfused1	post #5  on January 23, 2006 - 10:10 AM PST   > On January 23, 2006 - 4:38 AM PST hamano wrote: > --------------------------------- > The real question is, "Boxers or briefs?" > --------------------------------- What about those combo thingy's? Have you seen those? Their like briefs, but extend down further to your legs, like briefs. Whoa! I thought NLee had started a thread or something.
woozy	post #6  on January 23, 2006 - 11:02 AM PST   > On January 23, 2006 - 8:57 AM PST Shaky wrote: > --------------------------------- > I'll be brutally honest with you. ... Ouch. Well, he did say he wanted feedback positive or negative. I watched "Don't Worry" and I have to agree with Shaky in that the film seems unresolved. If the intent was to be unresolved and to reflect an the numbing breakdown of an emotional betrayal then the scenes need to ... collapse. Or if the film is to lead somewhere they need to build. The repetion of the staring at the knives and repeated scenes in the apartment gives a sense of movement that which needs to either heighten, go somewhere, or collapse. On the positive side the framing through the windows and down the aisles of the supermarket and the close-up of the shopper were very good and effective. They just need a stronger story to be part of. The short as a whole makes a good scene that could be made better be tightening the tension by speeding up the editing as it progresses. The apartment shots could stand to be a little hotter and if it is a gal cheating more urgent. But on the whole it's a good scene.
woozy	post #7  on January 23, 2006 - 11:35 AM PST   > On January 23, 2006 - 8:57 AM PST Shaky wrote: > --------------------------------- > On the other one, with the pistachios, it was a neat idea, but you drew it out WAY too long. It was a cute idea but I think the problem was that the filming was too cold and impersonal for it to be funny. I think it *could* go on as long as it did if the camera and acting were more engaging and personal (and if it had ambient soundtrack). Actually, I think refilming this again and again to capture emotion in shelling pistachios until it works would be a good exercise. Also the timing of a shelling a pistatio in reverse plays differently emotionally than in forward. The shell popping from the glass to the hand is too fast.
hamano	post #8  on January 23, 2006 - 12:00 PM PST   I guess the answer is briefs... I mostly agree with Shaky's comments. I thought the Las Vegas thing was the best of the three, a nice little visual poem about visiting Las Vegas on Thanksgiving. I think a documentary about your brother blowing his nose would be pretty cool (but maybe messy). DON'T WORRY The aforementioned briefs. I think the elastic peeking over the back of the actor's trousers is pretty ugly. I don't know if "Pat" is male or female (it wasn't too clear, but I'm assuming Rachel was the obviously female one...) but I would have gone with no underpants or maybe thong underwear if you wanted to elevate the tension a little bit. It didn't look like you thought about wardrobe much but it's important. Clothes say a lot about the characters very efficiently. Sloppy use of wardrobe says volumes about the director's lack of attention to detail. Also the makeout is very badly choreographed... did you just tell your actors to "make out when I yell 'action!'?" Since more than half this film is about 2 characters making out, you need to "direct" them some more. A lot of good make out scenes are choreographed with the actors in great detail, and rehearsed throughly. If you're really going to try and get by with sloppy making out, you need some nudity at the end as compensatory payoff. You really need to study lighting a bit more. The grocery store scenes were muddy and underexposed. Since you're shooting video, you can increase exposure a bit more if you don't have access to lighting equipment. I think you could have just found a more brightly lit store if you really intended to go DOGME 95 with the lighting. The tracking shot really didn't make much sense... if the character was walking across the store at the other end of the aisles the point was lost because the store is so dark and it's unclear what is going on at the other end of the store. I suppose the shots in the store should have reflected the thought processes going on in the character's head. It's up to you to figure out how to show that instead of just moving the camera around the store. Since there wasn't much exposition of the story, I guess the viewer is supposed to make up his own mind about what happened in the film. If that was not your intention, you have to sharpen your narrative a bit more. And use your shots to tell that story clearly. Don't rely on the lyrics of the song playing in the background to tell the story for you! Viewers will miss the lyrics the first time, and might never get it. Since it wasn't clear to me if that was two girls or a guy and a girl making out, my current favorite interpretation of the story is this: The protagonist is really bummed because his girlfriend dumped him and became a passionate lesbian. He is so depressed he goes to a store to look at knives. He will use one to do a Bobbit on himself! That'll make her sorry! But the poor loser chickens out and decides to live pathetically ever after. What I really hoped would happen was that the guy would buy the knife and go home. He stops to look in through the window, clutches the blade, and rushes into the building. However, it turns out that he is just the next-door neighbor, who needed a new knife to replace his old rusty one so he could make dinner. These short videos are pretty hard to do unless you can make it something humorous with a good punchline. Otherwise they're only long enough to set a "mood" which is how a lot of TV commercials (the ones that aren't jokes) work. Go read some O Henry; it would be even difficult to turn one of HIS stories into a video this short. DIALOGHI DEL PRESENTE Reminds me of a film I made with my friends in high school called "EGGLIEN"... except our film was longer and actually got some real laughs from the audience. Casting-wise, you need some good actors or really peculiar-looking ones to help you with something like this. Sunglasses and a big turtleneck just don't cut it. Basically this is a one-gag film using a trick that was available to Georges Melies a hundred years ago. So you need a second "punchline" to get a reaction from the audience. You trick them with the flying nut trick, the audience goes, "Aw, is that all?" then you spring your real ending on them. Like a giant pistachio flies in from nowhere and crushes the guy's head or something. If we're gonna do reversed footage, I could sit there for hours watching people eating noodles, but one nut flying through the air once is pretty boring. Overall, you rely too much on intercutting a totally dark screen to set the pace and mood of your films. That's not really a "style" so stop it before you get into a rut. These projects are a good start to put down "thoughts" about what you want to make a film out of, but not anything more than that. You have to think harder about how to use images to tell a story. Good films will hold your interest even if they lost their dialogue or music, usually.
Shaky	post #9  on January 23, 2006 - 3:38 PM PST   Have we successfully plugged his shorts?
kohnfused1	post #10  on January 23, 2006 - 4:18 PM PST   > On January 23, 2006 - 3:38 PM PST Shaky wrote: > --------------------------------- > Have we successfully plugged his shorts? > --------------------------------- I'd say it's sufficiently riddled with holes.
woozy	post #11  on January 23, 2006 - 5:06 PM PST   > On January 23, 2006 - 3:38 PM PST Shaky wrote: > --------------------------------- > Have we successfully plugged his shorts? > --------------------------------- Well, I feel kinda bad. They weren't bad and I didn't mean to discourage him. As a scene that could be part of a bigger story I though "don't worry" was pretty good (although it could do with more tension).
jamesblahblah	post #12  on January 23, 2006 - 8:47 PM PST   i had no idea there was so much activity on this forum. thanks for taking all the time and energy to offer your constructive comments.
hamano	post #13  on January 23, 2006 - 8:59 PM PST   There really isn't a lot of activity on these forums nowadays... not compared to when I joined GreenCine. We should thank you for the opportunity to sharpen our critical knives on your projects! Video's made it really easy to put a narrative in motion, but that has its drawbacks. People put less thought and design into what they're shooting because technically it seems so easy, just point and shoot. But good films have a lot of work put into them, the minutest details of dialogue, camera placement and movement, lighting, sound, set design, wardrobe, etc etc. You've made a start, but those pieces could be a LOT better with a bit more effort. Good luck! ^_^