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Member Lists

Fametracker Fame Audits
List creator: spazgirl
Created on: April 5, 2005 - 10:15 AM PDT
Description: "A Farmer's Almanac of Celebrity Worth" is how the folks at fametracker.com describe their snarky yet insightful look at fame. Here are some samples of the assets and liabilities they have assigned to various actors in their Fame Audits.

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The Bodyguard (1992)
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  Kevin Costner: "His performance in The Bodyguard, in some small, tangential way, contributed to the subsequent ear-splitting ubiquity of that god-awful Whitney Houston song, for which he can never be forgiven"
We're No Angels (1989)
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  Sean Penn: "Once reportedly said of Oliver Stone, 'I think that his basic pig nature keeps him from doing the best of what he ought to do and it keeps him from being someone I want to run into.' We've always thought that but he really put it into words."
Chasing Liberty (2004)
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  Mandy Moore: "Is a commanding 5'10" yet doesn't slump nearly as much as, say, Mischa Barton" but "Has yet to use her size advantage to kick any ass (like, say, Paris Hilton's). What is she waiting for?"
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
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  Natalie Portman: "She's good in Closer -- all snotty and tear-streaked" but... " 'I will not condone a course of action that will lead us to war.' Thus speaks the reigning princess of the planet Badactoria."
Titanic (1997)
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  Kate Winslet: "Rocks size 11 feet and doesn't care who knows it" but... "Being so good opposite the so-so Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic contributed to his mega-fame and therefore the creation of the Pussy Posse"
Kate and Leopold (2001)
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  Hugh Jackman: "He really appears to like his wife, which means we don't have to watch him in a series of stupid romances with Nicole Kidman or whoever" but "Kate & Leopold runs on cable about every two hours, making it difficult to forgive"
The Four Feathers (2002)
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  Kate Hudson: "Turned down Mary Jane role in Spider-Man in favour of Four Feathers, thus indirectly exacerbating public's overdose of vitamin Dunst"
There's Something About Mary (1998)
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  Cameron Diaz: "Gets cast in a lot of big-buzz movies" but... "Name means 'Shrimp Days' in Spanish" and "Reportedly [insert "sniff-sniff" gesture here]" and "Can't actually act"
Absolute Power (1997)
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  Gene Hackman: "For a seventy-nine-film resume, he's got surprisingly few clunkers" but "We said surprisingly few clunkers, not surprisingly none. Namely, Absolute Power"
Dick Tracy (1990)
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  Al Pacino: "When he had a string of creative flops in the late '70s, he actually took a 4-year break from movie acting, rather than getting engaged to J.Lo" but "Has chunks of scenery from Dick Tracy permanently lodged in his colon"
Marathon Man (1976)
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  Dustin Hoffman: "Really, seriously, a great American actor" but "He's on the wrong end of that famous funny story about Laurence Olivier saying to him, after seeing his intensive Method preparations for a scene in Marathon Man, 'Why not just try acting?'"
Meet the Fockers (2004)
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  Robert De Niro: "Pacino has become a caricature, but at least it's a wildly entertaining caricature. And he seems to get the joke. And he still mixes in a great movie now and again. De Niro, not so much."
The Ring (2002)
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  Naomi Watts: "Nice boobies (and we've seen plenty of her boobies, so we feel we know)" but... "Bitchface" and "Not as good at faking an American accent as she thinks she is"

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