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Member Lists

So Crappy You Can't Look Away!!
List creator: blindswordsman
Created on: August 2, 2005 - 2:44 PM PDT
Description: Movies that sort of suck but you gotta watch anyway..

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average rating MPAA rating watch rent buy
Dirty Dancing (1987)
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  technically, this is a really poor movie. some minor offences: a movie-of-the-week script, a voice-over intro that stops as soon as it starts, an 80's song title track played and danced to at the climax of the movie ( that's set in the 60's!!). but hey, it's fun and "nobody puts Baby in a corner" man!
Swing Kids (1993)
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  "Swing heil" is all i've got to say- - - -funny how the studio never used such an obviously Great pun as a tag line.
Mad Love (1995)
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  I actually walked out of this vapid mess of a teen angst movie when i first saw it at the theater. i still have never seen the whole thing. i watched up to the point where drew barrymore pulls the fire alarm at the school so she and chris o'donnell can play hooky. watch it ( and tell me if it gets any better ).
Great Balls of Fire (1989)
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  dennis quaid's painfully delivered caricature of jerry lee lewis' rise and fall. i really can't figure out if this was a really crappy movie or a really great movie mauled by one eccentric performance. john doe from punk band X appears. winona is so-so as usual. i watched this at least 5 times at the dollar theater.
The Crucible (1996)
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  winona strikes again...my god, the over the top performances are too much ( note to self--add stallone's "over the top" to this list )! winona channels all the acting chops she can muster and emerges with a so-so performance as usual. actually, i am still hunting down an actual print of this film so i can burn it at the stake.
Mommie Dearest (1981)
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  you *must* watch this film or i will beat you with a wire hanger. and don't let me catch you making out with some guy at that fancy private school i shipped you off to. oh, while i'm busy yelling at you--go fix a drink for my male companion for the evening, will you? there's a good girl. now say "i love you, mommie dearest". sick sick sick. loved it.
A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)
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  half greatness; half hollywood pap.
Showgirls (1995)
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  all that was missing was a cameo by "Saved by the Bell"'s A.C. Slater. I dare you to look away.
Big Top Pee-Wee (1988)
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  Horrendously agonizing follow up to the awesome "big adventure" never finds it's feet despite trying really, really hard. i guess pee wee just had to lose his virginity sometime, huh? well, it happens here and it's just plain weird. and where was Dottie?!
Batman & Robin (1997)
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  Holy Bat Blunder, Robin! this gay-fest of a bat movie lost all credibility with excessive nipple, crotch and butt shots of the dynamically queer-ified duo. but joel schumacher made it, so what was i expecting? shakespeare? listen for the comic ZING! sound effect when a security guard/cop slips. "batman forever" has a new partner in suckiness.
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
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  ha ha! made you look. i know..this is a great movie. just seeing if you were paying attention! made you spit your coffee out i bet!
Jingle All the Way (1996)
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  i almost jingled all the way out of the theater but something compelled me to stay and watch the Terminator act the fool to appease his spoiled brat son with a gotta-have-it-for-x-mas toy. idiotic. and hypnotic. rumored to screen 24 hours a day in Hell.
Species (1995)
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  great for the first 10 minutes, then a descent into crap that never lets up til the laughable ending.
Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (2004)
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  a prequel to the 1987 hit, this takes the action a few years previous to Dirty Dancing 1 and features Patrick Swayze reprising his role as Johnny Castle who manages to keep it in his pants and *not* claim the heroine's virginity in this one. mediocre. bonus points for having voice over intro AND outro this time!
Wolf (1994)
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  is it horror? comedy? drama? is it greatness disguised as pap? or does it just plain suck? you'll scratch your head at the end of this one. not quite satisfying as crap-art, not good enough to be satisfying in a good way either. a puzzler that should be viewed at least once, especially for werewolf fans. awoooo!
What Dreams May Come (1998)
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  a line like "express elevator to hell, going down!" delivered with a straight face insured this films inclusion to the list.
Superman IV - The Quest for Peace (1987)
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  really, Superman 2 and 3 *should be here as well thanks to the ridiculous "humor" that nearly ruins them--but no, the honor goes to IV alone--not a bad story---but this one was made with what appears to be 10% of the previous films' budget. terrible effects--look for the wires on NucULAR ( should be Nuclear ) Man as Lex Luthor calls him. yes, NucUlar.
The Outsiders (1983)
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  over the top melodrama, a laughable death scene from Matt Dillon and the genesis of the line "do it for johnny!"
Rocky IV (1985)
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  too over the top (no pun intended) to be taken seriously-- total fear of the commies 80's paranoia. but what a final bout!! you'll be burning a hammer and sickle by the end..
Rocky V (1990)
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  the rocky series literally goes slumming as rocky and family lose his millions and wind up back in the hood where rocky neglects his own son and gets into a major street brawl. only burgess meredith's cameo as mickey's ghost barely saves it with some much needed heart, rock.
A View to a Kill (1985)
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  even the great christopher walken fails to save roger moore's swansong as james bond from being a lame-o suckfest. moore looks way past his prime and the "fight choreography" he is made to perform is the worst ever in the bond series. terrible. a must-see. duran duran turn in a top ten bond theme though.

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